Amusing or not

Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge: Bad Jokes

How could I not join in

At the Pearly Gates
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming.  He saw
Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the
gate while I go do an errand?" 
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?" 
 "Just find out about the people who arrive.  Ask about their background,
their family, and their lives.  Then decide if they deserve entry into
Heaven."
 "Sounds easy enough.  Okay." 
 So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.
 The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man.  Jesus
summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him.  Jesus
peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"
 The old man replied, "I was a carpenter." 
 Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you
have any family?" he asked.
 "Yes, I had a son, but I lost him." 
 Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your Son?  Can you tell me about
him?"
 "Well, he had holes in his hands and feet." 
 Jesus leaned forward even more, and whispered, " ... Father?"
 The old man leaned forward and whispered, " ... Pinocchio?"

Cows and cars

A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,” said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer. “Yes, yes,” the man replied.

“Oh! I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer. “She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Who’s the boss

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked.

“I am.” said the man.

“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.”

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said.

“Here’s your chicken.” said the farmer.

Catching Grandma

Simply 6 Minutes

Todays Prompt

It was time to find out what sort of cigarettes Grandma smoked. Her birthday was just the right occasion. Most times she would disappear into the garden to have a quick fag so no one would ever see her packet of smokes.

This time we were well prepared. We set up the cake and the dining room looked a treat as befitting a one hundredth birthday. All the family were present and unbeknownst to Grandma, all had those disposable cameras ready for the occasion.

Out from the kitchen the cake appeared bedecked with the 100 candles all alight and placed before Grandma. Everyone sang Happy Birthday with gusto and all of a sudden instead of blowing out the candles, Grandma whipped out a cigarette and of course as everyone was singing and clapping, no one took a photo prior to the cigarette lighting.

To this day not one member of the family knows what brand of fags Grandma smokes.

How to participate in Christine’s Challenge


*****For any participants that do NOT like restrictions, please feel free to participate in any way you would like. It is great to read the contributions!****

  1. Set up a timer or sit near a clock so you can keep track of the six minutes you will be writing.
  2. You can either use one of the prompts (photo or written) or you can free-write.
  3. Get ready and write for 6 minutes, that is it! Can you write a complete story? Can you think of a new Sonnet? Can you write 400 words? 400? 500? There are no restrictions on what kind of writing you do, but you should try to be actively writing for six minutes.
  4. After you are done writing, include your word count and then post back to this page #Simply6Minutes or include your link in the comments section. Pingbacks are enabled.
  5. *Feel free to leave your work completely unedited. I believe it is good to see, especially for new writers, that even very seasoned writers don’t write a perfect first draft.*
  6. Have fun, challenge yourself if you’d like, read and respond to others’ posts.

Hello world – a disjointed bit of a rave from a weary soul

Wow what a weird, sometimes hellish five days. I lost power on Monday afternoon and woke Tuesday to no phone. I thought it be all back on sometime Tuesday. Boy was I wrong. There were landslides on the Highway on Sunday night so no one could get into town. They were cleared on Tuesday. So much rain. I have have well over 300mls at my place at times winds as well. I have a leak in the roof from where the solar panels are installed but I can’t get to from inside the ceiling space as it is too small. I filled a twenty litre bucket one night from the drip from the ceiling.

There hasn’t been any other damage around the house and sheds that I have found. The ground is still squelchy, isn’t that a fabulous word, some plants in the garden don’t lie wet roots while others have thrived. Some are flowering for the second time. Yesterday I spent chasing butterflies to no avail but the garden has had over 15 different species. Some flit past the window and by the time I have my camera they are gone or tease by flying high and not landing or fly over the roof.

My sleep patterns are crap. Last night I went to bed at 7pm as I was so tired and of course woke at 3am. I managed to have a light breakfast and after a while snoozed from about 5:30 to 6:15. The Brush-tailed Possums are in mating mode so there is thumping on the roof as they scamper about. In case you don’t know, possum sex is very noisy as well.

Luckily my besties place is high on a hill and the dairy flats were under water, the cows were on the high paddocks at the rear of the dairy, so she is OK. Her nearest town Lismore is like a war zone and the whole town went under water, in some places well over two metres. Her daughter, partner and granddaughter are staying with her as her house went under water as well as her business. A lot can be saved but she won’t go back to the house and the building her business is in isn’t safe. When people needed saving from the rising flood waters, the State Emergency Service put a call out for people with boats to help. The “tinnie navy” responded and around two hundred people went out and rescued people from house roofs and some inside the roof space. With no access in or out of the town and everything under water the evacuation centres set up were overwhelmed with displaced people.

Now the flood waters are receding there is mountains of destroyed belongings on the streets as well as wrecked cars that just floated in the water banging into each other on bridges where people parked thinking their cars would be safe. There is a wonderful group of Sikh volunteers who turn up to natural disasters and cook meals and hand them out for free. They are wonderful people.

It is estimated that there are about 5,000 people who are homeless but it probably is more like 10,000 and there is no where for them to go. A lot of people are opening their homes to strangers and family.

Will rebuilding happen again on the floodplain? The building that my besties daughters business was in wasn’t insured as the premium was $28,000 per year and the owner couldn’t afford that or even justify passing the costs onto people renting space in the building.

My nearest town. Grafton, missed out on flood only by centimeters but the towns further down river have been flooded. A lot of the minor damage was from storm water and the small creeks that flow through the town. The hinterland had floodwaters in the lower part of their houses but most of those were built to the 1:100 year flood levels but this exceeded that so their garage and lower areas were flooded.

I didn’t take any photos when I went to town but there are hundreds on the internet and Facebook. Here’s some from years ago. The bottom is the Clarence River near my place

I want to thank everyone for their concern and wishes, I love my blog family

Waiting for breakfast

Photo a Week Challenge: Gateways

A gateway that lead to where PJ the horse knew where his meals appeared. PJ died a few weeks ago. He spent his retirement on the property next door to my besties as we were unable to load him onto the float to bring here to my place. He was quite old and was a rescue horse. He was treated badly by men, from what we can work out, as he didn’t like me around at the start. In the last few years he would come to me and rub on me, let me catch him when he strayed onto a neighbours place and would follow me around the paddock when it suited him. Sometimes when we were working in the paddock, he would have a gallop, do high kicks and fart making us laugh. Goodbye PJ my equine mate, going to miss you.

An early adventure

The Friendly Friday Photo Challenge: Meet….

I was on my first foray into the world outside of Australia. After realising what I wanted was rather expensive I settled for a bus tour. I flew with Korean Air and I was amazed at the service and food. There were a group of people going to one of the Korean Air Hotels and waited for the bus to take us. As we got into the elevator something funny happened to someone and I looked at this woman and we both could hardly contain laughing.

The next day a bus took people back to the airport. Boarded a plane to Madrid and it had a stop over in Amsterdam to refuel. I over heard a conversation about going on a tour. Once in Madrid I introduced myself and said I am on the same tour. We headed off to get the bus to the hotel to wait for the tour to start. More smiles as we sat in what we called, the Nana Bus.

Meet Kerri and Joerg

WE roamed the streets of Madrid with no special plan and headed off to explore what we could find. Didn’t go into the Prada, I went there next time, we just enjoyed what we found sometimes the same thing twice! Hence we were Chaos Tours.

There was always laughs and fun in the bus as there were lots more under thirties than oldies. I wasn’t cool enough for the back seat or fuddy duddy enough for up front.

There were really helpful for me to get my head around another world as we went from Madrid to Granda, along the Mediterranean – Southern France, Nice, Avignon up to Northern Italy, Florence, Venice – everyone on the tour went on guided tours in Pisa. Kerri, Joerg and I found a great little place and had a pizza in Pisa, one of the best I have had. Then Croatia, Rovinj in a resort and Split was amazing, a quick overnight in Ljubljana, Slovenia and onto Vienna.

Kerri and Joerg left the tour in Rome. I am so glad we clicked and are really special to me. We still email and FB message, the occasional phone call. I have used Kerri and Joerg in a previous challenges.

Why I am here

The Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge: Home

I wrote this in March 2012, one of my first posts

It is a question that gets asked a bit…..why do I live so far from town?

So far from town is about 35 kms and takes me around 20 – 25 minutes…..so I wonder what they say to people who live further than that from town!!!

My place is in there somewhere….

The silence of the bush is great, which can be broken by the occasional doff doff from the kids across the way or racing up and down the road on their motorbikes.

I love the animals and birds that hang around the garden

Image

Red necked wallabies love the grass around the house and I think they feel safe

A variety of honeyeaters hang around from time to time…scarlet honeyeaters are always around somewhere.

The numbers of birds are on the rise and there are the occasional ones who tend to piss me off. At the moment the Australian Ravens have taken to eating the chooks eggs. When the winter cold starts to bite in the mountains, the Currawongs come down to here and they just hang around the chook house eating food out of the hopper. Also the Satin Bower Birds arrive as well but for the first time this year, they have stayed. So a few Bower Birds also hang around the chook yard. I have a new rooster, after a few months without a bloke around to look out for the chooks, so I think he may sort out the Ravens.

Image

The Ravens just wander about

I guess my biggest challenge is the weeds. Luckily they aren’t too bad to control. Lantana is easy to knock down but it is in many of the gullies and Fireweed is along the power line clearings. There is a bit of Parramatta Grass and Cotton weed in patches. I found a small patch of Balloon Vine yesterday and will have to remove that as it is flowering.

Image

One of my favourite spots. This waterhole has never dried even in the north coast drought of 2000 – 2002

I love living in the bush maybe that’s why I am bushboy

It’s a Splendor

The Ragtag Daily Prompt Monday: Splendour

A short story about my Splendor guitar.

The Splendor, semi-acoustic guitar, is the first guitar I bought with my hard earned money.

I worked in a factory on weekends while I was at school basically making toasters and electric jugs. After a while I was doing everything from unloading and the goods in dock in the rear lane, to loading the truck at the front loading dock. The worse job was in Summer, working on the top floor with just a tin roof above, doing the powder coating of the toaster bases and other stuff.

It was a huge oven over 3+ metres tall with rods attached at the side to a wheel and chain that rotated the rods up and into the burners. I had racks with magnets and I attached 6 bases to the rack, walk INTO THE OVEN a short way and hang the rack. Then take the next hot one out returning it over to cooling racks. Rinse and repeat for 8hrs. I used to work with my arms and torso out of my overalls. It was probably 40C up there. Wasn’t too bad on a frosty morning. There was always the company of the person putting indoor spiral TV aerials together. They looked similar to this one.

Hi-Q Aerials
http://www.hiqaerials.com.au/product/A23/INDOOR%20SPIRAL%20ANTENNA

By the end of my time there I was earning $20 a day. Pretty rich for a school kid. Back then petrol was probably about 30c a gallon, a pack of smoke was less than a dollar and a glass of beer in the pub was 20c for a schooner.

I paid $115.00 It still sounds so good and has so many variables, look at all the knobs and switches. I know nothing about the origins other than it was made in Japan in the 1970’s. I can’t find anything despite searching or maybe I’m not a good searcher.

Oh should add a colour photo as well

Also for Terri’s Sunday Stills: #Sports and #Hobbies

For Amanda

The Friday Friendly Blog Challenge: Looking Back to the Future

If I go way back things are so far back that this brain has trouble getting around the concept. One thing that Amanda wrote stuck in my brain as I read her wonderful post of childhood, the pitfalls of eating – luckily my mother was a wonderful cook even if it was the standard meat and three veg and I are it all. Once home sometimes I would be in the kitchen shelling peas or peeling potatoes or just playing outside with my imaginary friends lol. I did get a bit of a yell at if I even thought about a swing on the Hills Hoist,

I was a constant in the local library and read everything I could get my hands on. I read all of the Dr Doolittle book as much of Ray Bradbury, Issac Asimov, Micael Moorcock and other sci-fi as I could find. All of the unusual titles also drew my attention like The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas, The Phantom Tollbooth, The World According to Garp, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy The Gulag Archipelago, Catch 22 and the list goes on.

But mainly from Amanda’s post, the thing that made me laugh and remember a photo I have is the “I am young, walking home from school down a very steep road, partly finished with asphalt, wearing an outdated, unfashionable, yellow raincoat. It is a garment made from the kind of thick rubbery plastic that makes one sweat profusely, but fails to thoroughly keep the skin dry – (its sole purpose!).”

Well Amanda you can look cool in a yellow raincoat

Remembering Benny

Cee’s Black & White Challenge: Pets or stuffed animals

Benny the cat, also known as the Jackadgery Panther was quite a formidable character. He has been seen chasing dogs up the driveway off the property. Not small dogs a German Shepherd, a Cattle Dog as well as smaller ones have all felt the sting of a claw.

Old Geoff my neighbour would come visiting and his dog, Callum,who went everywhere with Geoff, would walk with him as far as the front gate and then would turn around and go home. If Geoff drove, Callum would stay in the car.

I came home from work one day and found Benny asleep on the chair with his stuffed dog which he would move around the house as he felt. Yes fierce Benny did have a soft side. Benny has been gone for a few years now. So this fits both prompts, pets and stuffed animals.

What’s in a name

The Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge: Magnificent

My besties small property is surrounded by a cattle farm. Many of my cattle photos are of the farmer next doors cattle. We were always in awe of a large black bull who sauntered around the paddocks, the other bull never seemed to mind or want to have anything to with him.

His ear tags have a lot of information coded into them. The numbers may mean the year of birth, a farm number some are herd identifiers as well as regulation ear tags. Well this big black bull has an ear tag with MM on it on one side. We wondered what name this magnificent creature had; that’s it! Mr Magnificent.

Here is Mr Magnificent just chilling in the warm sunshine on top of the hill. The MM is on the other side of the 2

One day the farmer was out walking the paddocks with a dog or two just checking on fences and going to move the temporary electric fence so the cows had a new pasture before calving. Of course we had a good old chat with Julie and I mentioned the big black bull as he was waiting first in line to get onto the fresh grass. I said we called him Mr Magnificent. Julie told us that he had been castrated because she fell in love with him and wanted to keep him but he was surplus to the herd. It was then she told us of his name. The big black bull’s name is Moo Moo.

I’ll just leave that there…..OK?