Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge: Bad Jokes

How could I not join in

At the Pearly Gates

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming.  He saw
Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the
gate while I go do an errand?" 

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?" 

 "Just find out about the people who arrive.  Ask about their background,
their family, and their lives.  Then decide if they deserve entry into
Heaven."

 "Sounds easy enough.  Okay." 

 So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.

 The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man.  Jesus
summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him.  Jesus
peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"

 The old man replied, "I was a carpenter." 

 Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you
have any family?" he asked.

 "Yes, I had a son, but I lost him." 

 Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your Son?  Can you tell me about
him?"

 "Well, he had holes in his hands and feet." 

 Jesus leaned forward even more, and whispered, " ... Father?"

 The old man leaned forward and whispered, " ... Pinocchio?"

Cows and cars

A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. “Your trouble is probably in the carburettor,” said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer. “Yes, yes,” the man replied.

“Oh! I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer. “She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Who’s the boss

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked.

“I am.” said the man.

“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.”

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said.

“Here’s your chicken.” said the farmer.